I spent a lot of my life being surrounded with the wrong types of people for me. People who I thought were good for me, were loyal to me as I was to them. Don’t get me wrong, there were people in my life who were loyal and there for me, but the toxic people in my life created a fog rendering me unable to see clearly what was going on. I am fortunate today thanks to the work I put into my personal therapy (and it definitely wasn’t easy or quick) I have enough value of myself to walk away from toxicity when it appears. I understand that I don’t need those people in my life, and I am so much richer for this. I don’t need to fight or argue with my inner voice or feel beholding to these people because they paid attention to me. I can make my own choices independently and I hold my head up high. I no longer ‘get it wrong’. I learn from my choices and adjust as required to fit better.
For the past 5 years there were 2 cats living in my home (1 aged 10yrs, the other 5yrs). The older cat (who was my cat) was quite distant, often with matts in his fur (he is long haired) and didn’t really settle anywhere in the house for long. The younger cat would often jump him, chase him and left him uncomfortable (hence the matts, he stopped caring for himself properly). Recently the younger cat moved to another home (don’t worry he has a very good home where he is the only cat and still in the family unit). My cat is now a very different cat – he is calm, loving, spends most of his time curled up either beside me or on me and his coat is now losing the matts it once had, he purrs so much. The toxicity in his life is now gone too.
So how did my personal therapy support me?
For me as a client it was about my therapist taking the time to go at my pace, listening to my story, sitting alongside me (not literally), understanding my story and allowing me the space I needed to find my understanding of what had happened in my past.
It was this understanding that allowed me to let go of past events, allowed my confidence to grow which in turn allowed me to see more clearly what was happening in my present life. The confidence I have gained allows me to make wiser choices about who I have in my life and to what level and when to walk away. I understand now that I cannot control how others think, feel or act/react but I can control where they are in my life.
A quote by Carl Rogers:
“Growth occurs when individuals confront problems, struggle to master them, and through that struggle develop new aspects of their skills, capacities, views about life”.
Your journey through therapy:
The journey through therapy can indeed be long and difficult but it also doesn’t have to be. As a unique individual you can choose what feels right for you.
As a counsellor I respect what you decide you want from your therapy and together we can work towards you achieving your goal/s.
If you would like to find out more about counselling sessions with me then head to the ‘contact me’ page. You can arrange a free 30 minute, no obligation telephone call to see if I am the right counsellor for you.
In the meantime – some mindfulness tips to help you:
· Take time out each day to connect with nature: Go for a walk or if this is not possible then sit in front of a window where you can see and hear nature even when the weather is rotten.
· Positive affirmations: Remind yourself of what has gone well, it doesn’t matter how small or insignificant this may seem, it went well and that’s what counts. It may be that you got out of bed (this can be an enormous challenge for some) or that you didn’t have that biscuit you thought about. Give this some thought because often we do/don’t do things without a thought.
· Eating: Try to eat at least well-balanced meal a day.
· Take time out away from social media – read a book
· Try going to bed to sleep at a reasonable time (no scrolling on mobiles or tablets), the average sleep is between 6-8hrs (don’t worry if you are not in that bracket, I’m not always.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.
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