We talk because we can, because we have a voice, because it connects us with others, we share, we learn. There are many different forms of conversation – teaching/coaching, family chats, catching up with friends, socialising and so many more.
When you have a problem
But, what about when you have a problem? You want to talk to someone about it whether it’s a personal problem or work related, and this can become very difficult. Who can I talk to? Can I trust them? What if they judge me or blame me? What if they don’t believe me? What if they tell someone else?
Where does all that leave you? So: you don’t speak up, you repress it and try to forget about it, get on with your daily life as best you can.
Feelings/emotions and questions:
How often have you tried to speak up and felt you have not been heard, listened to or understood? That can leave you with all sorts of feelings/emotions – frustration, angry, sad, lonely are a few, but you will have your own. Questions that you may ask yourself such as – Why does no-one listen to me? What do I do wrong? Why does no-one care? Again, these are only a few examples, you will have your own experiences.
Over time this can lead to a loss in your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. You may start to let go of things that you once enjoyed, stop taking so much pride in yourself, without knowing it stop looking up or making eye contact, eating habits may change, socialising may become less or even stop, resulting in isolation. These are a few examples, and you will have your own experiences.
Effects of not being heard:
The feelings and questions you are left carrying can weigh heavily on you, but as you carry on with daily life all too often these are repressed only to be triggered again every time we try to speak up and so, it often becomes easier to not bother and instead remain quiet. We go unheard.
All too often this can be linked back to an event/s in our childhood, but for some of you this may be very painful, or you may indeed have blocked such events out (that’s one way we can protect ourselves from the pain resulting from traumatic events).
Who should I be able to turn to?
1. With work related problems you should be able to approach a manager or HR. But we all know that is not always possible.
2. With personal problems we should be able to turn to family and/or friends. But again, we know this is not always possible.
With both of the above it often comes down to trust and being judged and even after seeking support from others you may still feel stuck and not heard. Accessing counselling may open up new possibilities for you.
Who can I trust that will understand me whilst being non-judgemental?
Yes, there will be services out there who may give you the support that you need. I cannot speak for them as I do not have any knowledge or experience of them.
Counselling:
Finding a properly trained and registered counsellor is paramount. With the correct training and being registered with a recognised body such as the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapists (BACP) you the client can be reassured that your counsellor will provide the right setting for you in which you can talk about whatever concern you have. That you will be listened to and fully understood without judgement, that your counsellor will support you to find your understanding of what you bring to your session/s, allowing you to find your own way to manage this.
Me:
My early life was spent trusting people and being let down by them which resulted in me trusting no-one! This became a very lonely place but opening the door again was a risk I just was not prepared to take until I accessed my own counselling.
Did I trust my counsellor straight away? No, I absolutely did not. That took time. Slowly but surely, I opened up, I felt scared and vulnerable. I cried and I laughed. Over time I changed because I understood my concerns. I was able to let the walls/barriers down. I was able to let people in and trust that not everyone is out to hurt me. My life is so much richer for the counselling I engaged in.
Contact me
If you feel that accessing counselling may be right for you then contact me to arrange a free 30 minute, no obligation consultation to explore this a little further.